???Confused.....Misunderstood???

So I've been hanging out with this person, I won't mention his name, but I thought we were cool and could just hang -- but now I'm not so sure. Like I think he's a totally awesome, impressive guy and love him to death AS A FRIEND ......

........but truth be told last spring 2003 I had a class with him like every single day and I had the humungi crush on him, like i mean i was totally into him -- and i thought maybe he might be a little bit interested, but it wasn't much at all.

Anyway -- we started talking again (like the friend kind) and I really love being around him, so how can I tell if he's not digging hanging around me? I have no freakin clue. Like I don't want him to think that I have to be around him, but I just enjoy it...does that make sense?

Did I mention he's like totally GQ x's 150 like he's all FINE, if you know what I mean!!!! Like I really hope he doesn't read this because it would be all kinds of embrrassing...but it's not like I've got another crush on him -- I just like being with him and him being there beside me. It's such a safe place for me -- I've always felt better when someone's been there beside me.

Like I know that there's not a chance in hell that we would ever get together so that's how I can say that I don't have a crush on him cause I know nuttin will happen.

So today was visitation day -- it was fun so crowded, i'm so happy that people are interested in west georgia. I loved it, but now i'm so totally tired.

This weekend Saturday was Lori's wedding, my roommate from last spring 2003, she was soooo beautiful she's looked like Barbie. WHOA, I'm so happy for her and Jeff.

So we had DYB Gospel Arts and God really has his hand in things, totally and it's amazing, we're going to Bless people I hope and I really believe we will because God is the center of the Jesus Walk.

I bought a ring with my birthday money, it's so beautiful, and it was super on sale $125 on sale for $30, amazed at the big bargin shopper I am, yeah so was I.

Sometimes I look back on life and I see how beautiful it was and it just makes me sad about how it's ending up -- but I have to keep my head up and say self you're great and someone will be lucky to have you one day, stop rushing, but everywhere I look there's tiny reminders of the past no matter how hard I work to forget them, it's like a haunting that won't go away and I can't run from....I've started have bad dreams again -- not to where the man was touching me, but yelling at me and asking me why i was even thinkin about the 'other' job this summer and i'm really scared to go now cause i've never worked anywhere but camp, so hummm what do i do, i know that God will give me guidance. but tis the waiting part that kills.

well, i'm going to do homework have a good night.