So I had a great time at home last week. It was really needed. Wednesday I took my nephews to see my mom at work. After I got home that day -- I got news that my Aunt Kate had been found dead -- wow -- that was a total shock. She was on my dad's side of the family -- so I didn't get to go to the funeral because I'm not sure if I'm welcome with them -- you'd think that they'd love me because I'm their own flesh and blood but I guess not. Anyway, we had a good thanksgiving at my nanny's house -- the whole family was there. And my best friend in the whole wide world was there, Gabriela, I'm so glad she decided to come over. I can't believe that we go to school so dang close and never have made time to see each other. That stinks. Well, last night a lady from my church passed away. But I know that she's in a better place. So other than the 2 deaths over the holiday, it was pretty good.

Well, I've gotta run because I have so much work to get finished.

I am so thankful for life -- I am reminded of my Faith and that with God I can stand up to anything and everything that comes my way. Also I know that I will never be given more than I can bare. For a little while I seemed to have forgotten that fact, but now I am more reassured.

For the Christmas season at church we got Cadets, people who are in seminary to be pastor in The Salvation Army -- and I was so thankful when I found out who they were, Matt and Rebekah Traylor. I've known them forever and it's like I got a chance not only to get reaquinated to them, but I also get to know their children.

I only have about 7 more days left in the semester. Whoa -- I'm so glad that it's almost over, I've been through so much. I've still got so much to get accomplished. Argh. But the important thing is that I didn't give up and that I didn't do anything stupid. I would like to thank all of my friend's who helped me through. You guys rock.

Last night -- I talked to a friend about this awesome game, they call it padiddle, and we're not going to mention what me and my friends here call it. It's a great game -- if you've never played it, then you're truly missing out on some great fun. If you wanna know more you need to ask me :-)

Please remember that Blessing abound you and God will always help you.

So tonight I wrote the last poem I'm going to write for Marty -- hope ya'll enjoy.

Finally
I no longer am longing for your touch.
I don't want you to hold me.
I no longer want to kiss your lips.
Finaly you no longer have hold of my heart.
I'm happy again -- like I was before I met you.
You are only a memory now.
You taught me many lessons, but the one that stands out -- you can't even trust someone that you love.

Todays' been a great day -- and tonight's just going to get better.

So today i got enough courage to tell someone something that happened and expected it to turn out almost like it did. Maybe a little more compassion but not just none at all. I'm finally going to have closure and not have to worry that I didn't tell them something they needed to know. Yeah I should have told them sooner, but hell would that have changed anything? I seriously doubt it -- So right now, i'm going to Danielle's to be around my friends and so they can comfort me. Have a great night.

So today would have been 6 months --- hummm -- hard day.... Today church was good -- The Cunninghams were there -- great message -- Jayden cried to go home with his Gamie(ME) so of course he got his way --

Great quote

When I die,
bury me deep,
a big old bulldog at my feet.
A 50-yard line ticket in my hand
and I'll WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! to the promised land!
GOOOO DAWGS!

Anyway I'm off to Video Night right now to support The Greeks. I'm going to have a blast!!!!!

I've found my joy -- it's in the LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things that have happened since May
- My great aunt died
- I met my soul mate and the love of my life
- worked at camp
- Had an awesome time with Marty and the kids all summer lots of great memories
- Accepted God's call for my life
- Went to TYI it was awesome
- Found out I got withdrawn from my classes at school cause my fees weren't paid
-Got reinstated as a student
- Got back from TYI and had awesome gifts waiting on me
- Moved back into school
- Started classes
- Unmentionable :-)
- Unmentionable :-)
- Unmentionable :-)
- Still in love
- Got told i had a mild case of depression
- life started going down the drain had to really find reasons to get up in the morning
- Got elected on the Ambassador E-Board
- Life started crumbling
- Got broken up with
- Felt what it was like to have a totally broken heart
- Battled going into severe depression still haven't conquered it
- Still in love and it still hurts
- Don't want to acknowledge that Marty might NEVER take me back
- Have great friends that have been there for me to cry on their shoulder
- Cry too much
- Worried myself until I'm really sick and am not getting better

And that's about all that's happened. So if you read this please keep me in your prayers because this is a struggle that is almost got me all the way down -- I'm working on working my way back up. Love ya.

Yesterday was 2 weeks. Wow -- it seems like a lifetime. I'm still so in love with you, Marty. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? I've been really sick this week which sucks. Some good news the test to see if I've got an ulcer came back negative-- some bad news my stomach still hurts with EVERYTHING i eat and there's nothing to explain it argh. Anyway, if anyone talks to Marty please tell him I love him. I'm off to class till 7. Have a good night

So it's been a while since I've written. Last wednesday was really hard it was a week that Marty and I had broken up. Thursday wasn't much better the necklace that Marty gave me fell off my neck, the clasp broke and I can't find it. Friday I went shopping with Leigh Ann for the Ambassador Scrapbook, that was fun. When I got home I lost my glasses. Saturday went to Rashad's football games. Saturday night we found out a lady from my church had died, she had been sick for a long time. So on Sunday we went to church, took Jayden and Jacob to the park, went to Katheleen's funeral, and then went home. Monday, I finally got to the Doctor's, I have a sinus infection and bronchcitus(not sure if i spelled it right) and they are testing me for an ulcer ugh I had to have blood drawn. Today I'm hurting really bad in my stomach - I really hope it goes away, I couldn't even go to class because of the pain and the medicine hasn't worked yet. Marty, you still have my heart. I love you.