Ayer un amigo y yo vamos al cena. Despues del cena vamos por Alabama por divertido sin ni tenamos nada para hacer. Nostros siempre tenamos un tiempo divertido cuando estamos juntos. El esta un chiste. Yo hablo con el torno cosas que no puedo hablar con ningun persona. El aydua mi cuando my corazon se rompia. Cuando no conprehendo mi vida el dice su vida estas bien, sonrisa. Piensas torno las buenos tiempo. Gracias para ayduame cuando no tengo espranza.

Nunca se cena y Alabama puesta mucho divertido.

No puedo escribir en ingles ahora. Solo quiero escribir en espanol porque es facil.

Tengas un buen dia. Adios

Para Marty October 23, 2003
Thursday


Tengo un terrible dolor en my corazon.
No se hacer sin tu en mi vida.
Tu eres el amor de mi vida.
Ahora esta un bache en mi vida.
No comprhendo porque tu no quieres me en su vida.
Quiero ayduarte durante este dificil tiempo.
Estoy enamarado contigo y tu tienes el llave a mi corazon para siempre.
No quiero amar nadie mas porque tu tienes mi alma.
Te amo.

I actually smiled today-- with meaning, yippee

So this weekend was hard. I had gospel arts practice and a lotta people were asking me about Marty. It's hard to talk about the love of your life when he's not here anymore. Thank God that there was only youth there. ARGH. In The Salvation Army someone else really is always tryin or gettin into your business. That's really what I dislike about it. Everything else is awesome!!!! My Uncle Tom and Aunt Jen are our new youth leaders and have been a totally Godsent blessing in my life. I don' t know what I would do without them here. They are always there to support me. My mom is doing better this weekend, and she's evening thinking about buying a new car yippee. GO MOM.

Here's a psychology question -- how do you break a pairing of a 2-year old? You can't Jayden everytime he sees me, asks 'where's marty at?' 'can we go get marty?' 'i wanna see marty.' Do you have any idea how freakin' hard it is to get him to understand that Marty left me. You can't. But eventually it won't hurt so bad when Jayden asks where marty is. Wait a minute, what the heck am I thinking, it will always hurt because of how much i am in love with marty. I LOVE YOU STILL.

I wrote a poem the other day, i think it's pretty good, i hope all my grammar and stuff is correct because it's in spanish. I'll post it later.

if you always don't marry your soul mate, then why is it necessary for you to meet them?

IT'S OFFICIAL MY HEART IS BROKEN AND I'VE LOST EVERYTHING. Pray!!!

So we just broke up 9:15 October 22, 2003. ( I can't stop crying, it's hard to breathe) The past 5 months were the happiest I've ever been, I love you so much. God please help me to get through this. I know that I can't do it without you. Please protect us and if it's your will lead us back to one another.

So I didn't have time to write yesterday, but it was an overall good day. I went to spanish class -- we had a quiz. But Teo was very nice because I was sick last thursday. And an even more of a plus no quiz tomorrow. YIPPEE. I took an astronomy test -- whoa it was totally harder than I expected. You win some and you lose some. I took some time to rest. Then Danielle called and was like let's cook dinner. That was so much fun because we haven't really spent that much time together this year. She's such a great friend. OOOOOOO -- speaking of friends my best friend here at WEST GEORGIA WON HOMECOMING QUEEN, CONGRATULATIONS ANN BETH. Last night I did some homework, went to a frends apartment and chilled, then came back and went straight to bed. Well, I'm gonna go. Have a good rest of the night.

So have you felt like you lost everything? If so then you probably know what I feel like. I still haven't heard from Marty after he told me to decide what I wanted and would put up with in our relationship, well I decided I want us to stay together -- I told him this in a letter last Thursday I only called on friday to see if he had gotten it. I haven't heard from him since. I guess this is his way of blocking me out, I never knew that I could love someone the way I love him. And if God wouldn't have told me this summer that Marty was my soul mate, I'd probably be out somewhere loosin my religion. But I'm not. Marty I don't know if you'll read this, probably not, but YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I WILL LOVE YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Anyway, the rest of my life has been just as crazy. I'm having a really hard time in school, it's really hard to stay focused and I really don't wanna do anything, but sleep. And that's totally not good. Well, I've gotta go study for my Astronomy Test in the morning. I wish right now I was anywhere but here.

woo hoo, thumbs up. I finally fixed the time stamp thing, imagine i decided to put myself on the Havana Cuba time thingee. HEHEHE AHHHHH CUBA that brings back memories. Wow, I really loved going there. The people were so nice and they really wanted to know your opinion of their situtation and know about you and america. Anway if you wanna see pics from that trip you can go to www.resbuy.com/cuba and there you'll see all the fun stuff.

So I'm reading my journal from this summer. "GO TO GOD WITH THE THINGS THAT ARE BURDENING YOU AND HE WILL GIVE YOU REST." WOW, I really needed to be doing this today. It's mine and Marty's 5 month anniversary today, please God keep us safe. God gave Marty to me this summer and it was so great. I've never been so happy and so content in life. He helped me to become the person that I've always wanted to be. I am so thankful. Let's not mention how he helped me get through a lotta crap this summer. God really created a great man for me. I'm so excited. I love Marty with all of my mind, body, and soul.

I CAST ALL MY CARES UPON YOU, I LAY ALL OF MY BURDENS DOWN AT YOUR FEET AND ANYTIME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I WILL CAST ALL MY CARES UPON YOU. God I thank you for being so willing to take all of my concerns and to keep them at your side. I praise you for loving me even when I don't deserve it. I love you Lord.

Hoy es un dia que yo no quiero hacer nada. Yo no comprendo porque mi vida esta mal. Todos cosas estan 'crumbling' cerca de me cara, OSTRAS!!! Porque? El solo persona que esta adyuda me es DIOS. DIOS es me padre. Cuando no puedo hablar con personas yo puedo hablar con DIOS, el nunca dice "no puedo hablar ahora llamarme otra vez" DIOS dice " I will never leave you nor forsake you." Gracis a Dios para esta promise.

i'm going to post this message to see if i've fixed the time stamp, sorry it's really nothing.

so i can't get the time stamp on the right day, oh well, it's off an entire day almost, oh well

Today I was going through some things and found it really hard to be happy. Let me go through just a bit of what last week was like for me. I had midterms, went to get some extra credit points and took a test that gave me some not so good results, i'm not like dying or anything. My life is really hard and I feel like i'm not in control anymore and that's really difficult for me to take in, because anyone who knows me knows that I'm a total control freak, hahahaha. I found another song today it's called "YOU HAD ME FROM HELLO" GREAT SONG -- one word that's all you said, something in your voice caused me to turn my head, something in your voice just catpured me, and you were in my future as far as I could see, and I don't know how it happened, but it happened still, you asked me if I loved you and if i always will. Well, you had me from hello, I felt love start to grow the moment that i looked into your eyes, it was over from the start, you complete stole my heart and now you won't let go, I never even had a chance you know, You had me from hello. Inside, I built a wall, so high around my heart i thought i'd never fall, one touch you brought it down, the bricks of my defenses scattered on the ground. and i swore to me i wasn't going to love again, the last time was the last time i'd let someone in, but you had me from hello, i felt love start to grow the moment that i looked into your eyes, it was over from the start, you completely stole my heart and now you won't let go, i never even had a chance you know, you had me from hello. that's all you said, something in your voice caused me to turn my head, you had me from hello, you had me from hello, girl i've loved you from hello. WOW ISN'T THAT A GREAT SONG. I TOTALLY LOVE IT BECAUSE IT'S TOTALLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME ON MAY 16TH OF THIS YEAR, I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND IT IS SO AMAZING, I NEVER THOUGHT THAT THERE WAS A SONG TO DESCRIBE THE WAY I FELT. Anyway, that's what's going on in my corner of the world right now.

[ Wed Oct 15, 01:14:02 AM | Jamie Ward | edit ]
So I'm really just outta of it right now. I just got out of a long hot bath, which does really good for relaxing me these days because I've been really tense. So I was going back over some things I wrote this summer. I was so lucky. I met the love of my life and it was so incredible. I love him more than life itself. I never believed that old saying when you meet the one for you, you will just know. It's so true. Marty is so amazing, he completes me and is like no other guy I've ever met which is really good because he wouldn't be so special if he was, right? Anyway, I will love him for the rest of my life and will never find someone who makes me feel the way he does. I'm reminded of a song by Rascal Flatts "I MELT" the words of this song totally describe how I feel about Marty.

So I'm really just outta of it right now. I just got out of a long hot bath, which does really good for relaxing me these days because I've been really tense. So I was going back over some things I wrote this summer. I was so lucky. I met the love of my life and it was so incredible. I love him more than life itself. I never believed that old saying when you meet the one for you, you will just know. It's so true. Marty is so amazing, he completes me and is like no other guy I've ever met which is really good because he wouldn't be so special if he was, right? Anyway, I will love him for the rest of my life and will never find someone who makes me feel the way he does. I'm reminded of a song by Rascal Flatts "I MELT" the words of this song totally describe how I feel about Marty.

Hey. I'm so glad that my midterms are over. It was such a hard few weeks for me. Now I've got to face reality and life again. I hope that things get better in my life, you know sometimes it just feels like life falls down around you and it's just so hard to handle. I've got to make some choices that are going to effect and affect me for a long time. So if you read this please just pray for me because the only way I'm going to be able to make the right decision is with God's help.